From bad to verse - a poetry collection

[JDH]

Acrostic poetry - it goes both ways!

Busts made of resin, some correct, some with arms,
Or statues with legs that only add to their charms.
Wondrously he brings all our heroes to life,
Even the ones we must hide from the wife.
Nary a piece you don’t want to buy and take home,

Despite the odd dalliance with tacky things like chrome.
Exclusive, variant, ‘strictly’ limited edition,
Some go more modern, some hearken back to tradition.
In each hero he finds the essence too long hid,
Giving us that same thrill that comics once did.
Nuff
Said!



Marvel metals all look shiny,
Others who say different speak out their heinie,
Realism dictates a mirror finish,
Else paint will these sculpts diminish.

Chrome is funky, chrome is fab,
Hope there’s a Blob bust with flesh chrome flab.
Re-do Bucky with gold chrome teeth
Or variant Nick Fury with a leather chrome sheath,
Magneto deserves a reflective helmet,
Even my curtains have a shiny pelmet

Look at Colossus with his shiny booties!
Extra painted versions all carry cooties.
So paint I say we should abolish,
Surfer should look like he has a daily polish.

Randy, listen to my chromanticist plea,
Eradicate paint and feed my glee.
Some people say chrome rots the bag, mon
I say more for me, and let them bag none.
Needless to say, I’m a real Chro-Magnon.

[JDH]

There was a superhero from Nantucket... a Limerick collection

Said Luke, when no-one was hirin’:
‘Sorry partner, but you I am firin’.’
‘Do that,’ Danny hissed,
‘And you’ll feel my fist,
Rendered like unto a thing of iron!’


Kraven the Hunter, without sweating or panting,
Caught a great swamp-beast, in need of fast planting.
He told any who’d hear,
How those who know fear,
Burn at the touch of his Giant-Size Man-Thing.


The sentinel of the spaceways doth roam.
All of space, yet nowhere to call home.
Without respite or rest,
He continues his quest,
For a spare pair of boxers in chrome.


Before Galactus, they were powerless as ants.
Said Reed to Johnny: ‘You’re our only chance.’
The devourer recoiled, full of ire:
‘Aaargh! The ultimate nullifier!
I’ll go, but would you let me eat France?’

(With sincere apologies to my esteemed near-neighbours across La Manche. Nowhere else rhymed…)


The REAL Ballad of Beta Ray Bill

A stranger with the face of a horse,
Once arrived on Asgardian shores,
Said Odin; ‘You’re neat!
Would you like a nice treat?’
And he gave him some power like Thor’s.

Said the stranger, in a happy, g@y shrill:
‘A Thunder God? Me? What a thrill!
Was it magical innovation?’
Replied Odin: ‘No – radiation!
Wait’ll you see my beta ray bill!’

Though the stranger was a hero most tireless,
How he longed to be heard on the wireless.
Said he: ‘Valour, I forsake thee,
To sing of hearts achy-breaky,
With the stage-name of Beta Ray Cyrus!’


The words filled all Defenders with unease,
"HULK SMASH STUPID FISH-MAN OUT OF HIS UNDIES!"
But the good Doc, just like that,
Pulled a rabbit from a hat:
Calm restored, all because "HULK LIKE BUNNIES!"


There was a young soldier named Bucky,
With the goofy, wide grin of a rookie,
"He's so lame," folks all said
"Bound to end up quite dead."
But at least his teeth were the opposite of mucky.

[JDH]

An acrostic limerick!

Dana P was filled with much sadness,
As his name did not fill him with gladness.
Now when asked 'Who're you?'
At once he'll say: 'Eat Uru!
Prepare to fall to the Doctor of Madness!'

[JDH]

Haikus

Chromanticists

Poor chromanticists,
think all Marvel metal shines.
Magpies steal their busts.

Bucky variant

A new Bucky Barnes,
In funereal black chrome.
That’s nechromancy.

The Colossus fan’s dilemma

Painted or super?
Which will I get from Previews?
Want shiny booties.

Dooplicity

‘Doop Yours’ they all say.
But when it comes to the day,
‘Thumbs Doop’ all the way.

[JDH]

The She-Hulk debate

The peeks were sneaked and, lo, it came to pass,
Debate raged hard over She-Hulk’s ass.
There were minor quibbles that her arms and waist were tiny,
But the big question was where we sat on the issue of her heinie.
Some folks said ‘The rump one’s better, just face facts,’
While tail-fans were the butt of other folks’ cracks.
Most people were behind the ‘She-Hulk got back’ side,
While a little piece of me inside just died.
To me there can nothing scarier,
Than the number of people wanting Shulkie’s derriere,
Indeed there can be no post eerier,
Than one waxing poetic about her emerald posterior.
That this debate rears its head seems a total farce -
Sad to think, in this day and age, there’s demand for her arse.
If the fanny version wins, it will sound a real bum note,
Will the Bowens see sense, or merely go with the vote?
On the edge of their seats, fans wait in a hush,
To wait for Randy’s bottom-line on She-Hulk’s tush.

[JDH]

Dr Strange vs The Rhino

Our Strange Tale begins with a little trouble in the Big Apple,
A raging behemoth searching for a hero to grapple,
Then arrived the one man who could stop the mad rampage,
A suave, mysterious (and, yes, a little bit camp) sage.
‘Dumb magician’ cried Rhino (for the bulk,
Of his knowledge of Strange came from the lips of the Hulk)
‘I won’t be stopped by an illusionist’s trick,
Especially not from someone who dresses like a di…, er, dipstick’
Said Strange: ‘I am no mere peddler of prestidigitation,
(And at least my costume opens up for urination...)’
Then the sorcerer supreme, (who denies looking like Mandrake),
Saw his foe’s trademark forehead was flat as a pancake.
Said he: ‘Now I understand what has driven you berserk.
‘It seems your horn has fallen victim to a fateful quirk.
‘Was it cut off, ground down for an aphrodisiac?
‘Or knocked off in a vigorous game of piggyback?
Blown up, crushed, or melted with acid?’
‘No none of those things, it just went kind of flaccid.’
‘It happens to us all,’ said Strange, ‘It’s nothing tragic,
I’ll have it solved in a jiffy with just the right magic.
‘Now if I revive your flagging appendage,
Will you cease this destruction, and start with some mendage?’
‘Yeah, sure’ said Rhino, ‘What have I got to lose?’
‘Either that, or I’ll drown myself in cheap lousy booze.’
‘I’ll use the Book of Vishanti, the Wand of Watoomb…’
‘Yeah, I capiche – ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom’
The insolent brute’s impatience filled him with malice,
So, without more, Strange handed him an enchanted chalice.
‘By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth, just sup from this cup’
‘Just a tingle, Doc, damn – I still can’t get it up.’
‘I see. Stiffer magic is required to bring an end to your torture,
And I recall just the thing from my days as a debaucher.
‘You see, my dear emasculated Rhino,
There once was a time when I was a wino,
Yes, long before I wore the Eye of Agamotto,
Many a morning I would wake up totally blotto…’
‘Now listen, Dr Zzzzz, just cut to the chase,
‘Can you put the smile, and the horn, right back on my face?’
By now, his moustache bristling with fury,
Thought Strange: ‘He’s an insolent oaf, but by jove will I cure he!’
He cried: ‘The hoary hosts aren’t alone on those otherworldly shores,
‘I call forth their companions; Hoggoth’s hostly wh0res!’
With a surge of power akin to that of Niagara,
Rhino was doused in their mystical Viagra.
His upper manhood restored, the Rhino was fully placated,
His need to prove machismo through violence, sated,
Before departing for home, said Strange: ‘I implore thee,
To make amends for your crimes, and think of the story.
Of the proud lion, saved by mouse from a thorn.
When next we meet, remember when I gave you the horn!’
Epilogue: (it’s the bit stuck at the end, see)
And I hope you’ll be quite forgiving, effendi,
If this tale of the Rhino and that feyest hex-fashioner,
Comes with something of a deus ex machina,
But one enchanted ‘witness’ of this crazy feature,
Was a blind sculptress who goes by the name of Alicia.
Thought she: “This tale of two men handling one’s cranial erection,
Inspires me to include both in my third museum collection!
‘But which of these awe-inspiring icons,’ she gulped,
'Should be the first one that I should go and sculpt?!?’
‘I’ve got it, the best way to capture this dire drama,
Is to include them both in my first-ever diorama!’

[JDH]

I have a nasty feeling that, when I posted this homage to Barry Manilow's 'Mandy' before, some folks took it seriously. Bizarre, I know. It's a satire on all those types of threads (with titles that usually include the word 'Randy') where the admiration for a certain Mr Bowen creeps eerily into the Twilight Zone. Great, now you've got doo-doo-doo-doo in your head, you'll never be able to recall the tune to 'Mandy'...

Randy

I remember all my life,
Marvels in trouble and strife.
Colourful heroes,
Brought to life on the page.
Somewhere the joy goes,
Comics fade to beige.

Then a sculptor comes along,
Who puts right what once went wrong.
We see a memory
On each piece he bakes us,
Wonder whether he,
Knows how happy he makes us,
Oh Randy

Well you came and you gave without takin',
(Well technically speaking we paid, but…) oh Randy,
Well, we loved all the sculpts you were makin’,
And we still do today,
Oh Randy.

Sure he’s got it bad for chrome,
Arms on busts make my mouth foam,
Too many characters X,
And they could boost their factory’s timin’
Still he’s better than se…, er, the competition,
And nothing is rhymin',
Oh Randy.

Yesterday's a dream,
I face the forum,
Rhyming’s such a scream,
Hope I don’t bore ’em,
Oh Randy.

Well you came and you gave without takin'
(Well technically speaking we paid, but…) oh Randy,
Well, we loved all the sculpts you were ,makin’
And we still do today,
Oh Randy.

[madjazz]

jdh - Between the Limericks, Manilow, and Strange vs. the Rhino, I don't know what to say besides "Stay away from my children, you sick freak!" :laugh:

My favorite line: {Said Strange: ‘I am no mere peddler of prestidigitation,
(And at least my costume opens up for urination...)’ } :thumbs2:

[JDH]

jdh - Between the Limericks, Manilow, and Strange vs. the Rhino, I don't know what to say besides "Stay away from my children, you sick freak!" :laugh:

My favorite line: {Said Strange: ‘I am no mere peddler of prestidigitation,
(And at least my costume opens up for urination...)’ } :thumbs2:

Thanks MJ. I think. :)

These were culled from the annals (yes, double 'n') of the BD and statue fora. So it's not like I stayed up all night, or anything. Your children would be quite safe. Unless the little @#*£&%$ like chrome... :)

[RickDTM]

Freakin' HILARIOUS!!!

But DAMN you, now I have "Mandy" stuck in my head!!!!

[Bullseye]

Do you work for a living or are you Oscar Wildes great great grandson? (When he was straight:))

[JDH]

Do you work for a living or are you Oscar Wildes great great grandson? (When he was straight:))

:laugh:

Sadly I do have a day job (which I won't quit, before Zurb chimes in...), but don't have any famous connections - I guess this is my Wilde side coming through... :)

[Zurbaran1]

:laugh:

Sadly I do have a day job (which I won't quit, before Zurb chimes in...)

Funny. I wasn't going to ask you to quit it. In fact.... :)

[JDH]

Funny. I wasn't going to ask you to quit it. In fact.... :)

Sometimes I just don't get that Zurbaran1. Very frustrating.;)

[melike]

Oh man - too funny jdh!
More - More i say!

[Tattoo-S]

jdh - Between the Limericks, Manilow, and Strange vs. the Rhino, I don't know what to say besides "Stay away from my children, you sick freak!" :laugh:

My favorite line: {Said Strange: ‘I am no mere peddler of prestidigitation,
(And at least my costume opens up for urination...)’ } :thumbs2:
That was a good one :thumbs2: