Joke of the day.

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:39 PM

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. VMAs she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?’
‘What dear,’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. VM
‘I think you're bad luck.....’VM

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:41 PM

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. VMWith superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. VMNext she picked up a hacksaw. VM
The husband terrified, screamed, ‘Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?’ VMThe wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, ‘Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire.’VM

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:46 PM

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. ‘God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours’. VM
‘Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstrais, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's have sex'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep’.

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:49 PM

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. VMSo one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights. VMVM
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She got extremely upset. ‘You impotent bastard!’ she screamed at him, ‘how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!’ VMVM
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, ‘I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids.’VM

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:57 PM

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, ‘Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.VM
After dinner, George's dad took him aside, ‘Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.’ VM‘Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her.’VM
George was brokenhearted. VM After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, ‘Diane said yes! We're getting married in June.’VM
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. ‘Diane is your half sister too, George. VM‘I'm awfully sorry about this.’VM
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. VM ‘Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married,’ he complained. ‘Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister.’ VM
‘Hee hee,’ his mother chuckled, shaking her head, ‘Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father.’

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 01:58 PM

An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. VMVM
When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, ‘What's the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?’ VMVM
The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, ‘Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.’VM

**nbr3bagshotrow** · 11-12-2009, 01:59 PM

This old man and woman go to a doctor's office. Doctor says what seems to be the problem. The old man says, "We've been having some problem in the sex arena and we would like you to watch and see of we are doing something wrong or if there is a health issue'. The Dr, being shocked, protested but the old man convinced him to watch and insure nothing was wrong. After the deed was done, the Dr said he saw nothing wrong and the couple left.

Next week the couple showed up again with the same request. The Dr protested again and the old man suggested maybe last week was a fluke and to check them out again. Finally the Dr agreed. Again the act went fine and the couple left.

The next week the couple shows up again with another same request. AFter the whole protest by the Dr and agreeing again to watch the act, the Dr finally says to the old man, "I'm really uncomfortable with doing this. I'm not seeing anything wrong. Why do you keep coming here and having me watch this when nothing is wrong".

The old man says, "Well Doc, I'm having an affair with this lady and room rates at the local hotel are $79/night and all have to pay you is a $25 copay".

Alex655321 · 11-12-2009, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullseye

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. VMSo one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights. VMVM
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She got extremely upset. ‘You impotent bastard!’ she screamed at him, ‘how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!’ VMVM
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, ‘I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids.’VM

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 02:02 PM

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. VMSo one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. VM Her natural beauty took his breath away.VM
‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said as he walked up to her, ‘but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.’VM
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.VM
Three days later, she became his stepmother.

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 02:04 PM

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Nick the bellboy.VM
The first man married a nurse. Nick thinks to himself, ‘Nurses are known to be hot to trot.’VM
The second man married a telephone operator. Nick thinks to himself, ‘Telephone operators have sexy voices.’VM
The third man married a school teacher. Nick thinks to himself, ‘Poor guy, teachers are frigid.’VM
The next morning, Nick reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband.VM
He sourly says, ‘Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'‘VM
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, ‘Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'‘VM
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, ‘When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'‘