Today's Joke...

[nemesisenforcer]

Originally Posted by Dr. Manhattan

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

'Should I tell her the war is over?''

[pablocruze]

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddy bikers who worked as aircraft mechanics in Phoenix, Arizona.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing. Then the phone rings.

It's Jim.

Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Bud says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'

'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver.'



((I wonder if he'll visit Teague while he's there??? ))

[endsongjen]

im laughing more at ur comment!

[Teague]

Originally Posted by pablocruze

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddy bikers who worked as aircraft mechanics in Phoenix, Arizona.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing. Then the phone rings.

It's Jim.

Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Bud says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'

'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver.'



((I wonder if he'll visit Teague while he's there??? ))

We get more visitors this way.

[pablocruze]

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:



It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......It says:










"Holy Mackerel, Dig The A$$ On That Chick"

[joefixit2]

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time . Then, one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered.. 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!

[endsongjen]

[Wesley Pierce]

Check this out

[bomen]

Originally Posted by Wesley Pierce

Check this out

i made it thru 5 mins...he's a typical X-gen punk who thinks all revolves around his supposed wisdom and wit. He's a rude, grandstanding, arrogant snotnosed, self-acknowledged academic loser who thinks the podium and event is a welcome mat for his schtick.

Somebody today needs to remember what it's like to be a responsible and mature adult and stand and politely interrupt the sad fellow and inform him (not ask) to kindly consider his speech completed, and please sit himself back down. Now.

God, I wish I were invited to more of these...

Can we please get back to some jokes now?

[ratchet]

Originally Posted by bomen

i made it thru 5 mins...he's a typical X-gen punk who thinks all revolves around his supposed wisdom and wit. He's a rude, grandstanding, arrogant snotnosed, self-acknowledged academic loser who thinks the podium and event is a welcome mat for his schtick.

Somebody today needs to remember what it's like to be a responsible and mature adult and stand and politely interrupt the sad fellow and inform him (not ask) to kindly consider his speech completed, and please sit himself back down. Now.

God, I wish I were invited to more of these...

Can we please get back to some jokes now?

Have to agree here. Wasn't laughing when I watched it.