Joke of the day. - Page 2

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 02:06 PM

A blonde woman named Britney finds herself in dire trouble.VM
Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial straits.VM
She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.VM
She begins to pray... ‘God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.’VM
Lotto night comes and she does not win.VM
Britney again prays... ‘God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and now I’m going to lose my car.’VM
Lotto night comes and Britney still has no luck.VM
Once again, she prays... ‘Dear Lord, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEEEEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.’VM
Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Britney is confronted by the voice of God himself... ‘Britney, work with me on this. Buy a ticket.’

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 02:09 PM

A man speaks frantically into the phone, ‘My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!’VM
‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor queries.VM
‘No, you idiot!’ the man shouts. ‘This is her HUSBAND!’

ratchet · 11-12-2009, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullseye

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. VMSo one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. VM Her natural beauty took his breath away.VM
‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said as he walked up to her, ‘but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.’VM
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.VM
Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Oof - this one is rough!

**Bullseye** · 11-12-2009, 02:11 PM

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.VM
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.VM
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.VM
‘How come you are sweating?’ he asks.VM
The parrot replies, ‘Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?’

**nbr3bagshotrow** · 11-12-2009, 02:12 PM

Bored today Bulls?

ratchet · 11-12-2009, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow

Bored today Bulls?

Either that or he's trying out material for a new career!

**nbr3bagshotrow** · 11-12-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ratchet

Either that or he's trying out material for a new career!

He should keep his day job.

Makkari1 · 11-12-2009, 03:16 PM

Is it that boring around here lately?

Beavis · 11-12-2009, 03:17 PM

A joke my wife received recently.

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"

ratchet · 11-12-2009, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beavis

A joke my wife received recently.

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"

I like this one - I heard it about two months ago - and it's still funny.