Joke of the day.

[kelikoi]

From another forum (a photography forum)

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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man's penis is bright orange.

The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says "My day is pretty normal. I get up in the morning and go to work. My work is at a desk in an office so I don't come into contact with any strange chemicals. I come home after work, make myself dinner, watch a little TV then get ready for bed."

The doctor asks "Do you do anything before bed?"

The man says "Nothing unusual, I just eat cheetos and surf the web"

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A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife (she's no dummy) thinks, "I have an idea ... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So. she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"



He never even heard the FIRST shot,...

let alone the 17 that followed!

Funeral is on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.

[kelikoi]

Reproducing Bull

A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”

The second bull is to be sold: “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

Again the wife bugs her husband: “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do you say to that?!”

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison… The third bull is up for sale: “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!”

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”

The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back: “Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!!”

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A guy goes into a bar to have a drink. Sitting at the counter is a sailor, who is normal in every way except one - his head is much, much smaller that the rest of his body.
The guy buys the sailor a beer and works up a conversation. After a while, the guy summons the courage to ask about the sailor's small head.

The sailor begins to tell his story. Some years ago his ship sank, and he was stranded on an island, all alone and without any provisions. Things looked so bad that he figured his days were numbered. Then, one day when all hope seemed lost, a beautiful mermaid swam upon the shore. The mermaid told him that she would grant him 3 wishes - anything in the world he wanted would be his.

Of course his first wish was to get off the island, and when he told the mermaid his desires, a magnificent yacht appeared in the bay, and it was all his.

He then told the mermaid his second wish - to become rich! The mermaid nodded and a treasure chest appeared on the beach, full of gold and gems.

The mermaid then asked the sailor for his third wish. The sailor recalled that he had been on that island for a long time, without any female companionship. And the mermaid was very good looking, so the sailor said how about a little head?

[JM28Cardiff]

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He saw his gas bill.

[kelikoi]

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about se*. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it’s not a life sentence, OKAY!

[Nitefall]

Originally Posted by kelikoi

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about se*. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it’s not a life sentence, OKAY!