Quote:
Originally Posted by hawkeyethearcher
ok my wife just sent me an article about a group af scientist. they believe they are the first people to find proof that raptors hunted and lived in packs. i sent her another article that pointed out that decades ago another group of scientist had all but proved that fact. now since it is obvioulsy a fact that can never be proven i told her i was sending the other article cause i believed that the scientist were exaggerating there own importance. while there find soes lend more proof to the theory it doesnt prove anything. they stated that is was the first such find and it was not. all i was doing was pointing out that they were incorrect.
now she says i am calling her an idiot. how can she jump to that conclussion and how can i keep that from happening. i never mentioned her just the scientists. how is that calling her stupid. i thanked her for the article cause she knows what a history nut i am.
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Her response isn't directly related to the fact that you sent her contradictory information that repudiates the article that she sent to you, it is based upon a history of similar feelings that have been building over a period of time.
Now, I'm not saying that you repatedly have called her an idiot, but she is responding to feelings that she has built up that defines the way she percieves YOUR perception of her. She may not feel 100% intimidated, but some part of her believes that:
1) You think she's less intelligent
2) Nothing she does is right...or right enough
3) You don't appreciate her intentions
or something similar to those things listed above.
The best way to deal with these perceptions (Using this incident as an example) is to graciously accept the information she sent you and refrain from "correcting" her with the details you are already aware of, and thank her for thinking of YOU and your interests.
After all, it really doesn't matter if the latest scientific report is more accurate or less accurate than the prior one, what matters is that she took the time and effort (even if it was minimal) to do soemthing for you because she was aware of your interest in the subject.
Sometime in the future, if you felt it was important, you could share with her:
"Hey, remember that article you sent me about raptors? Guess what I found out?"
In that way, you are again showing your appreciation of her saving the article for you because you are sharing "further" information with her that she will feel a part of.
As an example, my wife has some poor english skills in that her spelling, pronunciation and usage of certain words and phrases is completely out of whack. I'm pretty strong in this area and during the first 10 years of our relationship I would graciously correct her (always in private, never in front of anyone else) when she mispronounced a word or used an improper tense of a verb in a sentence. I was thinking that I was helping her with improving her language skills.
One day, a long time friend (who happens to ba a psychologist) told me to stop doing that. In spite of the fact that I thought I was helping, the actual effect was that I was making her feeel inferior to me and adding to the insecurity and lack of confidence she already had.
A short time after I completely stopped "correcting" her, she felt comfortable enough to ask me when she was uncertain how to spell or pronounce a word or felt she had made a grammatical error, and it continues to this day.
