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Old 04-07-2019, 12:32 PM   #1
nbr3bagshotrow
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How to deal with a jerk without being a jerk (all here should read)

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/05/s...ng-a-jerk.html
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Old 04-07-2019, 12:45 PM   #2
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Typically (not always), there is no win with a jerk if he/she believes they have the power. In other words, they typically do not feel any sense of obligation to care nor do they appear to require the approval of others because they'll simply replace you (e.g., wife, friend, co-worker, etc) with someone who'll allow them to assume the overwhelming space they wish, regardless of how unfair or unreasonable they might seem. There has to be a super-willingness to acknowledge fault in oneself and desire to change -- and that type of openness is rarely the type personality characteristic trait we might find in a "jerk". That's generally why the person is a jerk. Reciting a sentence from chapter three of Negotiating does not magically transform jerks into nice people. You're not casting spells here.

The reality is that not everyone has the same capacity for personal growth and insight, likely because they've already reached an intellectual ceiling or because they've benefitted too greatly from being a "jerk". I see this every day. The more insecure and arrogant, generally, the less capacity for insight and ability to share space.

At one point, the article encourages you to say this to the volatile/arrogant jerk who just disagreed with you, “You’re welcome to disagree with the data, but I don’t think that’s a respectful way to express your opinion. It’s not how I was trained to have an intellectual debate. Were you?”. Try that approach with the arrogant SOB of the week (e.g., boss, co-worker, wife) and see how it goes and get back to us.
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Old 04-07-2019, 01:37 PM   #3
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An unfortunate truth to this world that no one likes to talk about, especially in so called civil societies is force. You can discuss all day long about who is in the right or wrong in a given situation with a unyielding Jerk but in the end everything comes down to force with our spices. It’s all about who has the ability to enforce their will on others, or to be able to reject the will of others forced upon you. It’s really that simple, all the other layers of discourse we heap on top of this common principle just seems to disallusion people in to thinking there are more avenues then there really are.
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Old 04-07-2019, 07:02 PM   #4
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Like most things in life, you can't really control how another person acts or thinks, you can only control your response.
Some might learn from your good behavior but at the worst it's hard for that other person to continue the argument if you don't engage with them or have left the scene.
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Old 04-10-2019, 09:15 AM   #5
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I have the habit of laughing on the rare occasion someone's a jerk to me. I think it either helps calm the mood or makes it worse lol.
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:52 AM   #6
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Thank You nbr3bagshotrow
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