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Old 09-16-2012, 11:30 AM   #111
johnclone
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HAMLET TEST

from act 1 scene 5




Enter HORATIO and MARCELLUS

MARCELLUS
How is't, my noble lord?

HORATIO
What news, my lord?

HAMLET
O, wonderful!

HORATIO
Good my lord, tell it.

HAMLET
No; you'll reveal it.

HORATIO
Not I, my lord, by heaven.

MARCELLUS
Nor I, my lord.

HAMLET
How say you, then; would heart of man once think it?
But you'll be secret?

HORATIO MARCELLUS
Ay, by heaven, my lord.

HAMLET
There's ne'er a villain dwelling in all Denmark
But he's an arrant knave.

HORATIO
There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave
To tell us this.

HAMLET
Why, right; you are i' the right;
And so, without more circumstance at all,
I hold it fit that we shake hands and part:
You, as your business and desire shall point you;
For every man has business and desire,
Such as it is; and for mine own poor part,
Look you, I'll go pray.

HORATIO
These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.

HAMLET
I'm sorry they offend you, heartily;
Yes, 'faith heartily.

HORATIO
There's no offence, my lord.

HAMLET
Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,
And much offence too. Touching this vision here,
It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you:
For your desire to know what is between us,
O'ermaster 't as you may. And now, good friends,
As you are friends, scholars and soldiers,
Give me one poor request.

HORATIO
What is't, my lord? we will.

HAMLET
Never make known what you have seen to-night.

HORATIO MARCELLUS
My lord, we will not.

HAMLET
Nay, but swear't.

HORATIO
In faith,
My lord, not I.

MARCELLUS
Nor I, my lord, in faith.

HAMLET
Upon my sword.

MARCELLUS
We have sworn, my lord, already.

HAMLET
Indeed, upon my sword, indeed.

Ghost
[Beneath] Swear.

HAMLET
Ah, ha, boy! say'st thou so? art thou there,
truepenny?
Come on--you hear this fellow in the cellarage--
Consent to swear.

HORATIO
Propose the oath, my lord.

HAMLET
Never to speak of this that you have seen,
Swear by my sword.

Ghost
[Beneath] Swear.

HAMLET
Hic et ubique? then we'll shift our ground.
Come hither, gentlemen,
And lay your hands again upon my sword:
Never to speak of this that you have heard,
Swear by my sword.

Ghost
[Beneath] Swear.

HAMLET
Well said, old mole! canst work i' the earth so fast?
A worthy pioner! Once more remove, good friends.

HORATIO
O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

HAMLET
And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. But come;
Here, as before, never, so help you mercy,
How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself,
As I perchance hereafter shall think meet
To put an antic disposition on,
That you, at such times seeing me, never shall,
With arms encumber'd thus, or this headshake,
Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase,
As 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could, an if we would,'
Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, an if they might,'
Or such ambiguous giving out, to note
That you know aught of me: this not to do,
So grace and mercy at your most need help you, Swear.

Ghost
[Beneath] Swear.

HAMLET
Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!

They swear

So, gentlemen,
With all my love I do commend me to you:
And what so poor a man as Hamlet is
May do, to express his love and friending to you,
God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together;
And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.
The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!
Nay, come, let's go together.

Exeunt
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Old 09-16-2012, 12:09 PM   #112
Argonus
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JohnClone:
Good Morning!

Argonus:
Good Morning to you as well, Sir! How may I please you on this fine morning?

JohnClone:
I'm still sore from last night, but I'll give it the ol' Boy Scout try!

Argonus:
Uh.. I was going to suggest a game of Squash; please put your pants back on.

JohnClone:
I enjoy the coastal breeze betwixt my legs. My pants stay off.

Argonus:
I see the coastal breeze is a bit... much... for you. Next time try wearing underpants of some sort, to avoid that.

Johnclone:
There will be no next time. There is only here and now, and us.. together.

Argonus:
And you with no pants on.

Johnclone:
.. and me with no pants on.

Argonus:
... I think I'll be going now.

"Check, please!"
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:49 PM   #113
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HEARING TEST



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Old 09-16-2012, 02:51 PM   #114
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Mrs Roberts, I'd like to speak to you about Alice.
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:51 PM   #115
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There's ne'er a villain dwelling in all Denmark
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Old 09-16-2012, 02:52 PM   #116
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Old 09-16-2012, 03:02 PM   #117
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Exeunt
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:14 PM   #118
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If poop tasted like pepperoni, would Johnnyclone eat it?
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:26 PM   #119
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Wouldn't that make it pooperoni?

I dare say it would.
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:28 PM   #120
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There are more things in heaven and earth, Argonus,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
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