the Guide to Hallmark holiday films

[johnclone]

So, you may be spending time this week with your girl/wife/family and you may have to watch a Hallmark holiday movie.

Here are some things to keep in mind:


If there is an old homeless guy with a white beard, he is actually the real Santa Claus.



If there is a young hot single female, there is a very high likelihood that one of the following is true:

She owns a company that she is desperately trying to save before a deadline comes up, most likely the deadline is December 24-27.
She has a young son who is mute.
She is a widow.
She is an elf.


If the lead female starts the film with a boyfriend already, he will not be her boyfriend by the end because she will have dumped him so she can be with the lead male. The exception to this rule is when there is a "real Santa Claus" in which case they will remain a couple but will have at least one big fight sometime in the movie.

If there is a handsome single male he is highly likely:

the newly widowed father of a young boy who is mute.
new in town and owns a dog.
Secretly the one (or the son of the one) who is trying to destroy the lead female's company.
the newly widowed father of a young girl who is mute.

Have fun everyone!

[Underdog07]

Hehe

I thought the guide was "change the channel"

[johnclone]

if that is possible, unfortunately sometimes that is not an option

[CessnaDriver]

Originally Posted by johnclone

if that is possible, unfortunately sometimes that is not an option

Yeah, the wimmins like to watch this stuff.
But it's fun to deconstruct them and point out the formula.

I get yelled at for that. LOL

[nbr3bagshotrow]

Originally Posted by CessnaDriver

Yeah, the wimmins like to watch this stuff.
But it's fun to deconstruct them and point out the formula.

I get yelled at for that. LOL

Come on now. Just about any woman could deconstruct and point out the formula for any transformer/gi joe/expendables/etc movie before we could pick the popcorn out of our teeth.

[Luminous]

Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow

Come on now. Just about any woman could deconstruct and point out the formula for any transformer/gi joe/expendables/etc movie before we could pick the popcorn out of our teeth.

While true, most of us are already aware of those formulas as we watch our "guy" flicks. Can most women say the same about these Lifetime/Hallmark movies?

[johnclone]

was thinking of this recently, this year there seem to be less mute characters

if the story has an old man in it, he is still most likely the real Santa Claus

if the lead character is female and starts with a boyfriend, she'll have dumped him by the end of the film for a new one

if the lead character is male, and has a fiancee' at the beginning, he'll have dumped her by the end of the film. Also, she is a real bxtch.

if anyone meets a quirky older female in the film, she is either Mrs Claus or an angel.

[JP Sarri]

this has been the best thread/post in days!!

[johnclone]

[johnclone]

Hallmark 2014 is upon us, my sources tell me that there are AT LEAST 12 new films premiering just this year alone! Now more than ever, you need this valuable information! Will be providing updates as they are available.

Please note, the purpose of this guide is not so you can spoil the show for everyone else by revealing the formulas and predicting the ending 5 minutes into the film, (which by the way, is possible to do 99% of the time). It is just for you to utilize to keep your own sanity intact while viewing (being forced to watch) one or more of these films.

It is highly advised though that you avoid laughing out loud during the viewing of said films when this guide proves itself to be dead on accurate.

Major Spoilers abound in this thread!