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07-17-2008, 03:04 PM
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#21
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curmudgeon Mod
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The Shire
Posts: 35,048
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A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.
My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
__________________
The damn things invisible!
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07-17-2008, 03:09 PM
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#22
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Over the hills and far away..
Posts: 3,434
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terrible. awww
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07-17-2008, 03:37 PM
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#23
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Kindly Asked To Leave
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: West Coast
Posts: 24,710
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Hahaha... classic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vince-Vell
had this one emailed to me this morning.
Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'
The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'
The old timer says. ..... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for Yours.'*
We Old timers are helpful like that!
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07-17-2008, 04:24 PM
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#24
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Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: TERROR DOME
Posts: 7,537
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow
A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.
My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
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good one
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07-19-2008, 01:21 AM
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#25
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You got red on you
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,009
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A woman is on her flight back home when the plane starts experiencing some pretty bad turbulence, she gets a little scared.
The pilot says over the speakers "We're experiencing some problems, everybody please remain in your seats and fasten your seat belts".
The woman starts to really panic now and thinks that she's going to die so she thinks she might as well live up her last moments on earth.
She gets out of her seat and runs to the first guy she sees and says "Make a woman out of me!".
The man looks at her and without any hesitation he takes his shirt off and throws it at her and says "Iron this!".
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07-19-2008, 11:40 AM
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#26
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Over the hills and far away..
Posts: 3,434
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thats terrible!
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07-21-2008, 01:26 PM
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#27
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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 875
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An Irishman walks by a bar...
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07-21-2008, 03:33 PM
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#28
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Minister of GORE/ROT Mod Relations
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hey, aren't you that guy that used to be funny?
Posts: 5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley Pierce
An Irishman walks by a bar...
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Walks BY a bar???
Aw come on...nobody will believe THAT scenario...
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07-21-2008, 03:35 PM
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#29
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Cyclops
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 11,049
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow
A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.
My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
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That's corny enough to get a smile.
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07-21-2008, 03:38 PM
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#30
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Cyclops
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 11,049
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pablocruze
Baptizing A Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Where upon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
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LOL
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