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Old 07-17-2008, 03:04 PM   #21
nbr3bagshotrow
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A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.

My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
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Old 07-17-2008, 03:09 PM   #22
endsongjen
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terrible. awww
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Old 07-17-2008, 03:37 PM   #23
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Hahaha... classic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vince-Vell View Post
had this one emailed to me this morning.




Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide. 



The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. 



The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.' 



The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?' 



The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?' 



The old timer says. ..... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for Yours.'* 




We Old timers are helpful like that!
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Old 07-17-2008, 04:24 PM   #24
nemesisenforcer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow View Post
A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.

My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
good one
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Old 07-19-2008, 01:21 AM   #25
AsOneDead
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A woman is on her flight back home when the plane starts experiencing some pretty bad turbulence, she gets a little scared.

The pilot says over the speakers "We're experiencing some problems, everybody please remain in your seats and fasten your seat belts".

The woman starts to really panic now and thinks that she's going to die so she thinks she might as well live up her last moments on earth.

She gets out of her seat and runs to the first guy she sees and says "Make a woman out of me!".

The man looks at her and without any hesitation he takes his shirt off and throws it at her and says "Iron this!".
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Old 07-19-2008, 11:40 AM   #26
endsongjen
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thats terrible!
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:26 PM   #27
Wesley Pierce
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An Irishman walks by a bar...
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Old 07-21-2008, 03:33 PM   #28
pablocruze
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley Pierce View Post
An Irishman walks by a bar...
Walks BY a bar???

Aw come on...nobody will believe THAT scenario...
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Old 07-21-2008, 03:35 PM   #29
Makkari1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nbr3bagshotrow View Post
A young Chinese couple gets married. Sheʼs a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that! On their wedding night she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her & tries to be re-assuring.

My darling, he whispers, "I know diss your firss time & you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want. You juss ask.....so....watcha want?? He tries to sound experienced & worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows & he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually, shyly whispers back, "I want to try something I heard about from other girls.....numba 69". More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...."you want.....garlic chicken with steamed vegetables?"
That's corny enough to get a smile.
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Old 07-21-2008, 03:38 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pablocruze View Post
Baptizing A Drunk


A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Where upon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
LOL
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