A difficult subject.

[Wesley Pierce]

Originally Posted by Indy_Yoda

Suicide is actually the most selfish thing you could possibly do. When someone commits suicide the only person they are thinking about is themselves. My Dad comitted suicide 10 years ago leaving behind a wife and 3 sons. I can almost guarantee he wasnt considering any of us when he did it. I imagine he saw it as a way out of a difficult situation for him without any thought as to the affect it would have on us.

As Tet said with his neighbor, no one saw this comming. It was much harder to lose someone this way then to age or illness because it is so sudden. He was here one day and gone the next with no exlaination, no goodbye, no answers, no nothing. It was tough because when you are dealing with the loss you are also full of anger wanting to know why he felt that was the only way out. Or why he didnt ever talk to any of us about it.

I understand that life can get you down. In fact it will kick you in the @ss every chance it gets. As you can see from the posts in this thread that their is always someone out there who is willing to listen.

Tet, I am really glad you were able to pull through this. Now you know their are lots of people here who care about you, many who have been in similar situations.

I hope none of you ever have to feel that way again, but if you do just take a minute to think about all the people close to you. Even though life may seem almost impossible to bear at times, consider the devestation your family and freinds would feel if you werent here.

I am truly sorry for your loss. And you speak true that Tet, and many others on this board do have options, do have people to speak to and do have a support system that is there. It's just very difficult to see at times like these.

To get back on topic...

Tet, obviously by now you should be able to see how large a support system you have. I know I do. You are well respected here and obviously loved as well. ALWAYS remember this.

[VinReaper]

Originally Posted by Wesley Pierce

I am truly sorry for your loss. And you speak true that Tet, and many others on this board do have options, do have people to speak to and do have a support system that is there. It's just very difficult to see at times like these.

To get back on topic...

Tet, obviously by now you should be able to see how large a support system you have. I know I do. You are well respected here and obviously loved as well. ALWAYS remember this.

That is the truth, Tet!

And that goes for everyone else here too!


VR

[ftrez]

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

[William Paquet]

Originally Posted by ftrez

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

[Makkari1]

Originally Posted by riderV3

Tet, good to see you came through all those obstacles.

death is duty, is what we're born for.
Afterall human is nothing but the realization of the selfish and disgusting thought of passing on one's own seed.
The fact myself is a human kinda gross me out.

Originally Posted by riderV3

I don't see anything wrong with quitter, they simply don't evaluate things the way some of you "successful" people do and you guys are calling them names, again just some disgusting human habbit of discrimination, always trying to isolate those who don't do thing like everyone else.

Suicide, big deal!

Not you can live forever if you don't suicide. People die and that's what we're born for, what's so wrong if they just move on a step ahead of you?

Your views are very nilistic and I pray you never counsel any depressed person in your life, who knows the damage to others you may cause.

[armitage]

Originally Posted by Indy_Yoda

Suicide is actually the most selfish thing you could possibly do. When someone commits suicide the only person they are thinking about is themselves. My Dad comitted suicide 10 years ago leaving behind a wife and 3 sons. I can almost guarantee he wasnt considering any of us when he did it.

I probably should refrain at this point from commenting.
I'm sorry for your loss.
The reason people consider suicide selfish is because they are the ones who have to deal with the pain passed on from the deceased. My mother was killed by a drunk driver when I was 5 and I always felt cheated. I know it's not the same at all, but I still know what it's like to suffer from a parents death.
I have my reason for the belief that selfishness may not be the case for suicide. What if the person honestly believes that people would be better off without them.
I have honesty considered the possibility that my wife and child would be better off at times if I weren't around.
It's hard to explain, but it's a very real idea that I've convinced myself to believe in moments of deep depression. I'm not going to go into it anymore, and I want to focus on Tet.
Thank the lord Tet got help before he made a wrong decision, he has made a the right choice to get help, and that help is there for others.
If anyone ever needs to talk I'm always open.
I can't solve every problem, but I can offer suggestions, I can listen,I can relate.
Struggling through problems alone makes them seem more severe. Sometimes someone looking in from outside the box can offer a clear view, that someone
inside looking out can't see.

[RichBamf]

Tet,

The only way we get over these sorts of things is by talking about them with our friends and family. Getting through these ordeals is only half the battle, the resolution can only come through having the courage to talk about it and then come to terms with what happened.

And the only way I can think to offer you some ords of comfort is to share my experience with you.

When I was 16 my life took a drastic turn for the worse. I felt the most alone that I ever have in my life-actually not just alone but totally disconnected from everyone around me. I didn't particularly understand what was going on around me, and it had an adverse effect on my mental state.

I wasn't cowardly, I was SICK. I honestly believed that I was such a complete and utter waste of skin that I would be doing people a favour by removing myself from their lives.

Anyway, I tried to kill myself, failed miserably, and alienated myself even further in the process. I had counselling, but could only take so much of it as she kept talking about people being onions (I'm not kidding-and it's a line from Shrek), and didn't seem to be listening.

I had a few very close friends that actually treated me like a human after that, and they helped me to dig my out from what had happened. But the experience was the first thing I though about when I woke up, and the last thing before I slept. I wasn't ok, I felt like I was just enjoying a lull before the storm.

When I met Vicki, we got together and she didn't know about what had happened. we were together a year before I told her, and she actually did one thing that no one else did, she asked me questions about it (what did it feel like, why did I chose to do it the way I did). It helped me to come to terms with what I had done and where I was still heading.

I still think about it from time to time, and anyone who has ever met me will probably notice how I constantly play with my watch to ensure my wrist scars are covered. Things like this don't just go away, they stay with you, and unless you talk and excorcise it, it will eat you like a cancer.

Surround yourself with people who care, who offer you real help and friendship, and who can understand your feelings.Never let the idiots get you down, ignorance is their problem. It's been nearly ten years, and I don't think I'll ever cover those memories, but I can assure you, you will put them to one side. I'm glad you've found some measure of peace, and I hope those thoughts don't darken your door again. You've been brave in recounting your story, and I hope you take solace in some of the posts you've read.

The people who will judge you are the real cowards, critisising what they don't understand and have never felt-Don't forget that Frank.

If you EVER need to talk, I may be half a world away, but I'll always be available.

Rich

[Tetragrammaton]

What astounds me, even now that I am getting better is just how difficult it was for me to think clearly while going through this.

The best analogy I can use to describe it is how you feel after you have gone too long without sleep.

I couldn't concentrate at work and my productivity was way down. I would second guess and double-check myself all the time. I was constantly looking for and losing items. Both short and long term memory were affected. While I could remember dates and events in my past, I felt no emotional connection to them. From January to April I lost 30 lbs as I was skipping meals.

Even going shopping was frustrating, as I more than once left the store without buying anything. I was avoiding social settings as it was impossible for me to feel comfortable. Even at my home unit, where I have worked for almost 20 years, I felt out of place.

While my friends and co-workers were always there for me, and I was very vocal and open about "going through a hard time", it wasn't until right before I was in hospital, that I admitted I was having persistent thoughts of suicide. It was thinking about how my actions would affect those around me, especially my friends that kept me from pulling the trigger.

What I think helped me the most was the time I spent in the hospital. Not that there was much in terms of treatment, but it did allow for a complete and total break from the problems and the counter-productive cycle I was in. I was surprised when my first night there (mind you, at the time I was sure I was getting out the next day) I had slept more soundly and felt more rested than I had in the past months. It also opened my eyes to see that there were other people, coping as best they could, with far greater problems than what I was going through.

I really want to thank everyone who has shared with me and the forum some of their own challenges and struggles.

Frank