A difficult subject.

[Tetragrammaton]

This morning I learnt that a civilian employee at the army headquarters next to where I work committed suicide last Sunday. His friends were waiting for him to show at a party and when he failed to arrive, they went to his place to discover he had hung himself.

He was 38, unmarried, and had lost his father within the last six months. I didn't really know him, but people who did said that no one noticed any warning signs at work.

The reason this resonates with me is that this very easily could have been me a few weeks back.

Last October my mother had passed following a very long illness with Alzheimer’s disease. I got through the funeral, dealt with the various legal and financial issues, and after two months went back to full-time work. Almost immediately, I started having trouble sleeping. After four days straight without being able to fall asleep, I got my self to emergency to see if there wasn’t something physically wrong. I was prescribed sleeping pills and I carried on for two months on the pills.

Despite the pills, and sleeping more, I was having increasing difficulty concentrating at work, my memory was getting worse, and even simple decisions were becoming impossible for me. Eventually, co-workers noticed and I was sent to a military doctor. A series of blood tests, an EKG, and an abdominal scan later I was diagnosed with depression and hypothyroid.

This was about the point I dropped off the forum.

Now, by this point I was convinced that they got it wrong. There was something seriously wrong with me and they just couldn’t find it. How could I be depressed when I wasn’t sad in the least? The financial aspects of the estate were taking longer than I expected. Work was going badly. I just “knew” I would lose the family house. There had to be an easy solution to all my problems, but I just could not come up with it as I was sick and not thinking clearly.

Now, I’ve had firearms in my home for the last 20 years.

I’m not a quitter by nature. Nor did I consider myself a coward. What I was considering troubled me, so I kept it out of my thoughts as best I could, but whenever stresses would come up, these thoughts would resurface. Finally after a particularly bad week I called the local police and asked them to take possession of my pistols and rifles. I just couldn’t trust myself any more.

When I went in the next day to explain my situation to the medical section, I got a quick ambulance ride from the base to a psychiatric hospital. What I expected was going to be a 24 hour period of observation turned into 15 days.

I've been back at work since the beginning of June and things are only now getting back on track. I guess my point in all this is just to say however bad things seem to get, there are always options even if you can't see them at the time.

[HalJordanFan]

Thank god you got help. It may not be much, but if you ever need to talk PM me and I'll give you my # or vice versa. Sorry to hear about your mom. I'm sure that wasn't easy, but whatever you do don't even think along those lines. Like I said if you ever need to talk or just wanna shoot the breeze PM me.



Nick

[Tetragrammaton]

Thanks Nick.

As hard as it is for me to post this, I can't help but think that if Sebastian had just talked to someone, he would still be around today, but this isn't a comfortable subject for people.

[JadeGiant]

Tet, I salute your decision making in this matter. You made the right choices and I applaud you for that. I lost a parent at a young age and went through some unexplained emotions for a while as well. I can tell you that I was able to come through it very well - with time as my prescription. I hope only the best for you and wish you my deepest and sincerest condolences on the passing of your mother. My prayers go out to you and your family.

[HalJordanFan]

Originally Posted by Tetragrammaton

Thanks Nick.

As hard as it is for me to post this, I can't help but think that if Sebastian had just talked to someone, he would still be around today, but this isn't a comfortable subject for people.

Just remember the offer stands.

[Sinatra VonDoom]

Sorry about your mother and all the problems that you had to deal with. I am glad you are dealing with them instead of the alternative. Bad news tends to come in bunches, and it can wear you down. As someone who has had sleep problems most of his life, I can attest to the fact that your mind begins to play tricks on you. Keep up with the program, and if you ever need someone to talk it over with, holler.

[joefixit2]

I am sure that was difficult to write but I think doing it was a good thing. I am sure there are people on the board that have gone through, are going through, or will be going through similar situations. Reading your experience can help save a life. Very glad to hear that you came through it okay and are back to backing Iron Man on the forum!

[protector2814]

Tet - Your honesty in sharing your story absolutely inspires me. Depression and suicide (I've lost 2 friends this way) are both realities I've had to deal with in my past. A mantra that's been able to help me through tough times is that dark moments are merely pages in the book that is your life. The pages will turn and new and wonderful things and possibilities await you. You will get through tough times, trust me you will. I realize it might sound cliche' but darkness is always followed by light. You just need to remain strong while waiting it out.
How proud you should be that you made the decisions you made. How proud your Mom must be of you. I apologize for getting so personal but your right, this is a difficult subject and I didn't want to pull my punches.
Like Haljordanfan, you can always PM me if you ever want to talk.

Jerry

[endsongjen]

Originally Posted by joefixit2

I am sure that was difficult to write but I think doing it was a good thing. I am sure there are people on the board that have gone through, are going through, or will be going through similar situations. Reading your experience can help save a life. Very glad to hear that you came through it okay and are back to backing Iron Man on the forum!

very well said.

tet, i admire your strength. time will heal. i lost one friend this way in high school. she was bright and talented. and she was also strong person imo. i know someone who tried to and survived as well. when i was younger i would think of ways to, but nvr went through w them. nvr took meds. and i think im pretty well off now, im no longer depressed for one. you have support here. even from the ppl you dont know very well

[Alex655321]

Sorry about the loss Tet, and thankfully you were thinking clearly enough to seek help.

I hope the best for you !