Sam Wilson doing advertisements

[Curt Chiarelli]

This just in guys, hot off the press:


Tony Coca Murdered

Bronx, NY, NY. (Rueter's) — Tony Coca, a security guard for the New Jersey tech firm, YoYoDyne Corporation (motto: "The Future Is Tomorrow") was found slain in his home, a 150 sq. ft. combination studio kitchenette and walk-in closet located in the boiler room of the Grande View Transient Hotel. He was aged 32.

Mr. Coca had a checkered past as a Kenosha, Wisconsin school bus driver, a Chippendale lap dancer, a roadie for the rock band, Metallica and a former Mossad hitman. He had also been wanted by the New York City authorities for 1,467 unpaid parking violations accrued over the last 11 years.

What puzzles authorities now is not only the motive, but also the murderer's unorthodox choice of weapon. Mr. Coca was found with a Gold Bucky rammed up his large descending colon. He died en route to the hospital of associated internal injuries, severe gas pains and a goiter.

The New York City Coroner, Leslie Mosher, released a comment later this evening: "The preliminary forensic reports indicate a painful 35 degree angle of penetration and a trajectory velocity of 4,500 ft. lbs. of thrust, while maintaining the structural integrity of the fabric of his vintage Levi 501 blue jeans to an admirable degree. Nothing human could have produced the force necessary to have done this to Mr. Coca without blowing a hole into the seat of his pants the size of an unarmored Humvee. Levi Strauss would be proud if he were with us here today."

When pressed further, Mr. Mosher snapped: "Do you have any idea what I've just been through? I've seen things in Mr. Coca's intestinal tract that were not meant for the eyes of decent human beings." He declined to comment any further on the specific nature of these findings or their implications pending the outcome of the case except to say, "Goddamn you Ray Croc! Goddamn you to Hell, forever!"

New York City Police Commissioner, Lou McClosky commented during an earlier press conference: "The signifigance of the Gold Bucky is, at this time, still unknown. It could have some coded psycho-sexual meaning for the killer, kind of like the Zodiac Serial Killings, but only with more upper body strength. We're following every lead."

Held in connection with this bizarre murder is suspect, Samuel Wilson of Atlanta, Georgia. Mr. Wilson is being retained at the New York City mayor's East 79th Street and 5th Avenue penthouse on a $25.00 bail bond where he continues to perplex police with his stubborn refusal to cooperate and his persistant demands for another serving of boysenberry pie.

If found guilty, Mr. Wilson runs the risk of being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest award given to a civilian, and a post-ceremony mandatory sentence of 10 hours making idle, coma-inducing chat in the Lincoln Room with the First Lady about her new chintz drapes, Dean Martin and the merits of the Dewey Decimal System.

Services for the deceased will be held at Our Lady of Perpetual Cramps in Flushing Meadows, NY. The family has requested that the public send no flowers, but plenty of cash donations, preferably in crisp, clean, unmarked twenty dollar bills.


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Copyright 2006 Curt C. Chiarelli. All rights deserved. This material may not be read, comprehended, published, broadcast, rewritten, redistributed, recycled or used to line your bird cage. Violators will be prostituted to the furthest extent of the law. So there.

[Sam Wilson]

whew!

okay, wktf just paid my bail. but it was weird, I don't really want to leave, in fact, wktf just ordered us a couple of Rueben's from the carnigie deli. Bloomberg said, stay as long as you want, I'll have my people bring you what you need, but at some point you are going to have to cooperate with the legal proceedings. I'm like whatever, just bring me some more goddamn pie, and help me find something to get that goddawful smell from my hand. You have no idea about where it has been or the things I've done.

Bartman, thanks for ummm, "loaning" me your gold bucky. I'll make it up to you . I'll get you a chrome SS mini bust or something. Well, actually, I may be able to get your gold bucky back once the trial is over, but who knows what has happened to it since, well, I can't reallly talk about that now, my lawyer doesn't want me to say anything.


Yeah, and primal, gonna have to "borrow" one of your bucky's too. Coca wasn't alone in this, he screamed out, I ment he, well, anyway I know who his co-conspirator is. And I'm coming for you.

Anyone know where ck13 is?

[Primal]

Originally Posted by Sam Wilson

Yeah, and primal, gonna have to "borrow" one of your bucky's too. Coca wasn't alone in this, he screamed out, I ment he, well, anyway I know who his co-conspirator is. And I'm coming for you.

Please. The only time I would team up with that Snitch Coca is to raid your Transformers collection. But aside from that, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING...(and I"ll never do it again).

[boobhound]

Originally Posted by Curt Chiarelli

This just in guys, hot off the press:


Tony Coca Murdered

Bronx, NY, NY. (Reuter's) — Tony Coca, a security guard for the New Jersey tech firm, YoYoDyne Corporation (motto: "The Future Is Tomorrow") was found slain in his 250 square foot studio apartment in the boiler room of the Grande View Transient Hotel. He was 32.

Mr. Coca had a checkered past as Kenosha, Wisconsin school bus driver, a Chippendale lap dancer and a former Mossad hitman. He had been wanted by the New York City authorities for 1,467 unpaid parking violations accrued over the past 11 years.

What puzzles authorities now is not only the motive, but also the murderer's unorthodox choice of weapon. Mr. Coca was found with a Gold Bucky rammed up his large descending colon. He died en route to the hospital of associated internal injuries, severe gas pains and a goiter.

The New York State Coroner, Leslie Mosher, released the following statement later this evening: "The preliminary forensic reports indicate a painful 35 degree angle of penetration and a ramming speed of 4,500 psi. Nothing human could have produced the force necessary to have done this to Mr. Coca." When pressed further, Mr. Mosher stated: "Do you have any idea what I've just been through? I've seen things in Mr. Coca's intestinal tract that were not meant for the eyes of decent human beings." He declined to comment any further on the nature of these findings or their implications pending the outcome of this case.

Held in connection with this bizarre murder is suspect Samuel Wilson of Atlanta, Georgia. Mr. Wilson is being retained at the Mayor's East 79th Street and 5th Avenue penthouse on a $25.00 bail bond where he continues to perplex police with his stubborn refusal to cooperate and his persistant demands for another serving of boysenberry pie.

If found guilty, Mr. Wilson stands the risk of being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, this country's highest civilian award, and a post-ceremony mandatory sentence of 10 hours making idle, coma-inducing chat in the Lincoln Room with the First Lady about her new chintz drapes, Dean Martin and the merits of the Dewey Decimal System.

Services for the deceased will be held at Our Lady of Perpetual Cramps in Flushing Meadows, NY. The family has requested that the public send no flowers, but plenty of cash donations, preferably in crisp, clean, unmarked twenty dollar bills.


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Copyright 2006 Reuter's News Agency. All rights deserved. This material may not be read, comprehended, published, broadcast, rewritten, redistributed, recycled or used to line your bird cage. Violators will be prostituted to the furthest extent of the law. So there.

[Synergy]

Originally Posted by Primal

Please. The only time I would team up with that Snitch Coca is to raid your Transformers collection. But aside from that, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING...(and I"ll never do it again).

i would believe primal here.... he would have made it a video clip not a picture

[CompEng1]

The fearless can be beaten to death as easily as the fearful. Great pic though...

[Collection King 13]

[JadeGiant]

Sam, you shouldn't have stopped to eat a pie after offing TC - the apple crisp crumbs were probably what lead the police to you.

[Tony Coca]

Originally Posted by Curt Chiarelli

This just in guys, hot off the press:


Tony Coca Murdered

Bronx, NY, NY. (Reuter's) — Tony Coca, a security guard for the New Jersey tech firm, YoYoDyne Corporation (motto: "The Future Is Tomorrow") was found slain in his 250 square foot studio apartment in the boiler room of the Grande View Transient Hotel. He was 32.

Mr. Coca had a checkered past as Kenosha, Wisconsin school bus driver, a Chippendale lap dancer and a former Mossad hitman. He had been wanted by the New York City authorities for 1,467 unpaid parking violations accrued over the past 11 years.

What puzzles authorities now is not only the motive, but also the murderer's unorthodox choice of weapon. Mr. Coca was found with a Gold Bucky rammed up his large descending colon. He died en route to the hospital of associated internal injuries, severe gas pains and a goiter.

The New York State Coroner, Leslie Mosher, released the following statement later this evening: "The preliminary forensic reports indicate a painful 35 degree angle of penetration and a ramming speed of 4,500 psi. Nothing human could have produced the force necessary to have done this to Mr. Coca." When pressed further, Mr. Mosher stated: "Do you have any idea what I've just been through? I've seen things in Mr. Coca's intestinal tract that were not meant for the eyes of decent human beings." He declined to comment any further on the nature of these findings or their implications pending the outcome of this case.

Held in connection with this bizarre murder is suspect Samuel Wilson of Atlanta, Georgia. Mr. Wilson is being retained at the Mayor's East 79th Street and 5th Avenue penthouse on a $25.00 bail bond where he continues to perplex police with his stubborn refusal to cooperate and his persistant demands for another serving of boysenberry pie.

If found guilty, Mr. Wilson stands the risk of being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, this country's highest civilian award, and a post-ceremony mandatory sentence of 10 hours making idle, coma-inducing chat in the Lincoln Room with the First Lady about her new chintz drapes, Dean Martin and the merits of the Dewey Decimal System.

Services for the deceased will be held at Our Lady of Perpetual Cramps in Flushing Meadows, NY. The family has requested that the public send no flowers, but plenty of cash donations, preferably in crisp, clean, unmarked twenty dollar bills.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright 2006 Reuter's News Agency. All rights deserved. This material may not be read, comprehended, published, broadcast, rewritten, redistributed, recycled or used to line your bird cage. Violators will be prostituted to the furthest extent of the law. So there.

Where did you get that from The Star.Lies all Lies.

[Daredevil]

Originally Posted by Tony Coca

Where did you get that from The Star.Lies all Lies.

He's alive!!! Risen from the ashes!

Do I see a phoenix rising from behind him??







oh no, it's just a stinky fart